in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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