Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize