and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize