At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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