I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
