Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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