i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
