i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My hand turned me down
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
