the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
