he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
