after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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