i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
