don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
