um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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