she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
