**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
