roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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