I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
