I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize