i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
