finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
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