well I can't set my house on fire every night
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
