i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
