why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I need a beard to bite.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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