Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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