You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
