Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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