what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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