I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
