sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
