Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
