I think my fart just growled at me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
