I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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