Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
