3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
