So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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