She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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