forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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