drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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