The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
