At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize