It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
