Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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