Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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