We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
