this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I believe in your delicious
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
