I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
