i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
