We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Hippo gnu deer
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Randomize
