That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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