Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
