So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
