I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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