Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
