so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
