so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
