Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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