woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
