I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
