omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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