someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
