I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
