google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
