I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
