I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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