Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize