Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
