i can't believe i had my finger in that
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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