Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
