one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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