Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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