What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
